I miss my friend Kelli. She got into some extra curricular activities about 4 or so years ago and as a result, we have barely been in touch. I know she struggles with getting over these activities/issues, but I just want to be included in her life somehow. I just know that we would not have grown apart if she was not dealing with this crap. I think she is embarrassed about her situation and thinks it must be easier to exclude me, her old friends, and sometimes her family.

I looked at her sister’s My Space site today and saw a picture of her with Kelli. There were also pictures of Kelli’s boys. I have not seen them in years. CMW used to call me “Aunt Dayle” in a super sweet little boy country accent. He always called their guest room “Aunt Dayle’s room” since I slept there when I visited. I saw those pictures and was mesmerized. I immediately got sad and then mad. I mean this is my best friend in the whole world and I have to keep up with her via her sister’s My Space page all because she cannot get her shit together?  WTF ever. I just about could not take my eyes off of those pictures. 

Elisabet is getting married next year and we have been dress hunting and talking about the plans. It all makes me think about Kelli. This may sound selfish. . .but WTF am I supposed to do if I ever get married? Kelli is my best friend no matter what. I guess that means I will not be having anyone stand up for me.  I always just assumed that Kelli would be the only person I would have stand up for me. (I figure you do not have like 5 bridesmaids when you get to be my age!). Well I do not want anyone but her.  So maybe by the time I friggin find someone to marry she will have it together.

Some days I am sad and I cry because I miss talking to her about anything and everything.  I miss being able to call her up day or night and just talking about whatever.  I could always call Kelli if something was wrong and she would talk me down.  She is the only person who really seemed to understand me and knows what I am really thinking without me having to say it. 

Some days - like today - I am mad as hell at her.